AUGH.

I keep writing mysterious posts about my psychological state of being ( which is never very good), but i never actually say what the hell is actually going on. im not going to now, though, too, just in case someone i actually know will ever see this. but allow me to say this: i am not sure what the hell im doing anymore with guys, and friends, and people in general. i broke up with my boyfriend a while ago and i still love him, but i also might have feelings for a friend who is taken, so that will never go anywhere, and i have become slowly an introvert. i didnt mean to, im just no longer instantly comfortable with complete strangers. i still have friendly down, thank god, but i dont make friends as easily or know what to say to people. which i am totally fine with, as everyone seems to know of me anyway somehow... i just have become a completely different person in the space of 2 months.
ah well. in case my ex happens to be reading this, (which i highly doubt, but it makes me feel better to know that i dont know if he is or not) I am sorry. I still love you, and i dont know why the hell i broke up with you, but it was (i think, and i Hope) the right thing to do. sigh. i need to stop listening to sad jazz music.